Guilt? Maybe she’s right, maybe I do blame myself? So?

I can’t blame anyone else, after all I forced Emmie’s hand as it were, put her in the position to choose. No, I’ll never blame her. So perhaps yes, I do feel guilt, because they really were happy at the end.

Part of me, the evil part wonders what they’d be up to now if none of this were ever in the cards. If Dylan were to never be taken, if he was never going to forget, would they still be fighting? Would everythng between them still be crap? If so, then they had a few weeks of something better then they could have right? And then I remember that that part doesn’t matter, because he would have stuck it out, and they could have had years of what they had the last few days, not just a bit of time. So we are back to the what I took was much worse then what I gave spin.

Dylan is gone. He’s in spain right now, first day of the billabong pro, settling in and getting a feel for the place. Though he hasn’t completely adjusted, Lissa is probably right, with time, and a couple of tweaks, he’ll probably settle in rather neatly. I did everything I could to make his past less painful for him, but he’s still him. Just a bit less baggage this time around.

I don’t know what Emmie will think about that, how she’ll feel or if she’ll even like him anymore. Maybe not, perhaps he’ll sleep with one too many girls, and then she’ll just hate him. I kinda hope so, then it might not hurt as much when he comes back. 

Messed with the guys as well. They know what’s really happened, but I also filled them up a bit with what Dylan remembers. For the most part things are the same, I just added some other bits in there. They both agreed to it, so it wasn’t like I was playing mad scientist (Again) they are finding some bits a little on the confusing side, but I am pretty sure that they’ll settle too. It’s pretty distinct in their heads what’s a real memory and what’s for Dylan’s benefit. So now when he comes home, they can talk about the same thing and not be total morons about their shared history.  Jake and Sam were pretty pissed at the meeting, but for them it was more of a venting of frustrations then an attack, good for them. But then, they knew it was coming.  Jake’s taking this especially hard, as he wasn’t there for Dylan recently, actually abandoned him. Just so you know, telling Jake that it doesn’t matter anymore, that Dylan doesn’t remember anyway is a bad a really fucking stupid idea. That part doesn’t matter, and now he sort of feels like he can’t make it up to him, because… well he doesn’t remember, Dylan can never call it good. Sam on the other hand is shocked to hell about the whole thing. I sent him out of the bubble to check on… someone. She’s not, but he won’t give details. Very not interested in answering my questions, and that’s fine I guess. He agrees though, sending Dylan was the right thing to do, but he feels a bit cheated, because he was gone. He knows he wouldn’t have seen him anyway, and also carries a bit of ‘I should have been there when he needed me’ with him too. Both of them are damned determined that Emmie stay part of the family though, weather she likes the idea or not.

Wyllow of course is blaming herself. Trent after all was trying to hurt her, and though this foiled his plans, the intent is what mattered, and the fact that Emmie and Dylan can’t be a family now, she blames herself for. To be perfectly honest, she really would march herself right on up to Trent in a heart beat if it brought Dylan back. When I made it clear to her that no, that wouldn’t bring him back, because nothing can ever bring Dylan back, her guilt shot up a few more notches. It was pointed out that the sacrifice he made wasn’t just for Emmie and his baby, but also for her, so that she wouldn’t view going to Trent as an option. Unfortunately, all she can see at the moment was that if she made such a move months ago, Dylan could actually be a father to the baby that he wanted so very much. It’s kinda hard to argue with that, she knew how much he wanted to be a father, hell Emmie’s husband. The fact that it was taken away is sort of eating at her right now.

Jordan… she… well I guess the best way to describe all of this is shock. She’s a bit outraged that all of this happened to Dylan without his consent, as she figures he’d never give it, so basically we killed him. She’s not taking this as hard as I at first imagined her to, she’s actually been quite calm and quiet. That actually bothers me, it’s always the quiet ones that you have to worry about isn’t it? For now though, fine, she’s quiet and I am ignoring.

Trent’s reaction was almost as explosive as Reggie’s, and the less said about those two the better.

Sarah’s quite thrilled as you can imagine, and for now all plans to actually destroy Dylan are done and over. She sort of views this as her second shot to do what she originally wanted to do, and doesn’t really think Emmie has it in her to fight her. The fact that Emmie herself more then likely won’t tell Dylan about their baby only proves her point. (That’s supposed to be the guy’s job, they don’t know how they are going to break it to him though.) She actually thinks it’ll be fairly easy to move right on in on Dylan. Personally I don’t think it’ll be that simple, she won’t be the only one gunning for that slot, but then again, she did manage it once, and at a time D wasn’t very commitment minded, so who really knows? I don’t pretend to know anything anymore.

Sam, the Sam, is totally shocked by my actions, and the fact that I kept them from him. But he understand that this does in fact hurt me, and hasn’t said anything one way or the other. He’s been very busy lately, and more then likely will be more busy as I am going to avoid the office for a bit. I am sure he won’t say anything about that either, and just direct everyone to some mystic messaging service, more then likely consisting of some post-it notes and a pen. *grins* perhaps after the jump he’ll start dating again. I hope so. I’d hate to think he’s totally given up on the notion.

Jess is totally knocked up, and is taking all this hard. She really viewed Dylan as a friend, and like the rest of the vally (I am sure) is probably wondering if that great Wallace acceptance of all things odd will still be on him. Dylan was one of the few and first to actually accept Jess’ shifter abilities. Hormones are probably a lot of what she’s feeling. Funny thing is, I don’t think her being pregnant has occurred to her yet, as she’s leaving soon, I am sure she’s blaming that, not looking for other reasons as to why her mood has been off. Of course this is only going to help her not realize what’s going on until she’s good and gone. Which kinda sucks really bites if you wanna know the truth. Luckily she hasn’t flipped out once over at Phil’s, she might though, at this rate. (boo!) Hopefully not until after the jump. We just won’t have time for that if it happens before.

As for me, I am basically recataloging all of the life and times of Dylan and Emmie. Probably some sort of self punishment as Lissa implies, though part of me knows that this just has got to get done. I want it done, and hell they deserve it done. Sort of afraid of what will happen when Dylan comes back and part of me wonders if Christmas is too soon. It might be, I want to give Emmie more time for this sort of thing, I don’t want to push too much on her too soon, and she deserves a nice quiet Christmas with her family and friends.

But then again…

And we are back to Dylan.  I don’t know what’s going to happen when he comes back. I keep checking on him, I can’t help it really, it’s hard to deal with the fact that he’s just gone, let alone way the hell on the other side of the world, he’s sort of barely awake atm, wich is sort of a pretty bad thing, as the first round is currently going on. *eyerolls* He’s placed in the fifteenth heat though, sooo… whatever. It’s just sort of sad that he won’t remember things that are just memories around here, how do you treat someone like the newest valley recruit when he was third in the loft? Hell, is was the reason we got  bedrooms at all! I hope, really hope that he’s not royally screwed over in his new life, but I have the feeling, with him being the major underdog, and the guy totally not in the know, he might get stomped a bit. I just wish I could give him back what was taken.