Dylan’s letters to:

Eric

David

Grams

Emmie

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Hey, it’s kinda odd shooting a note to someone I don’t know. Well, you know me, but I have no idea who… just never mind.

Anyway, I hear you are Emmie’s brother, cool. It’s probably dumb to ask, but I am going to assume you are pretty close since you both hang with the guys. I was wondering if you think you could keep an extra bit of an eye on her for me? I’m not going to be around, hell, for all I know the moment they let me out, I am going to be deported to Australia or Italy or something stupid like that, and not see her for an extra amount of time on top of what we are all going to have to deal through. I’m really pissed that I am going to be missing more, and… well asking you makes me feel like I am sort of there, even though I am not.

Humor me okay? I don’t know if we are on good terms, or if you think I am just some stupid ass, but I am going to assume here that you are going to and everything is shibby.

Thanks dude, I owe ya one.

Dylan

—

David,

Despite the fact that you are Emmie’s dad and I know you are just looking out for her and the baby, you are still an ass. And though this is probably a shitty coincidence, I can’t help but feel that you are definitely getting your way on this one.

Look, I didn’t expect any sort of welcome home from the father of the woman I knocked up and effectively abandoned, insinuating circumstances or not, but I didn’t expect this either. Like it or not, I am part of her life, weather that’s a good thing, a bad thing, or something even she’ll want when she gets to know me for who I am now is going to be enough to muddle through without other people trying to make this hell on us.

My time with her was already limited, I can’t help but feel even more angry that I lost more because you decided that everything is my fault.

Here’s an idea, next time she’s flipping out, why not get on the fucking phone and get the person on it who is upsetting her. Bet that in the long run, hearing reassurance that my brain, her brain, or your brain isn’t getting fried from the source will be better then shooting her up with horse tranks.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Dylan

—-

Emmie’s grandmother,

Sorry about the way I left the other day, it was rude. It beat the alternitive though. Hope I didn’t spoil your evening.

Have a good holiday,

Dylan

—

Emmie,

God, there’s so much I want to say here… I don’t know if I’ll have it all written if I work on it for a week.

The timing for all this is pretty shitty, you are right, I just got back, just got thrown into all this, and look, I get to be pulled from it before I can even sort out my head.

Emmie, you are special, it doesn’t take a genus to figure that out. Being with you is the only thing that’s made sense since I came back to the valley. But… at the same time it doesn’t. I mean, I know how I feel, it’s pretty much the only thing I know lately, how I feel. And yes, okay, well I know how you feel too, I still know how to do that much.

You want me to help you forget him, wich doesn’t seem like the easiest task. Expecally since… I am me. So let me break down for you the reasons why I am not such a great guy. This way there are no surprises, and Hell, I really want this to work sooo:

1. I cheat. Sometimes I can’t help it.

2. I lie. Uh, usually about the cheating. Sometimes about what’s on my mind.

3. My job isn’t exactly steady dependable work.

4. I have been known to have problems with drugs.

Like I said, these things are usually the big problems that I run into when the subject of relationships come up. Now, number one I have been working on for years. But to be honest, it’s been a real big problem in the past. Now I am pretty sure that I have it pretty managable, but then again, there are times when I just get swept up. Excited crowds are my personal weakness, it does happen on occasion still, no matter how hard I work on things.

Number two, well I am totally willing to be honest with you about everything. I don’t want shitty lies to be our problem. I haven’t lied to you about anything on my mind so far, though I have tried to change the subject a time or two already. So far you don’t let me get away with it, which works for me. And if I clear up my problems with number one, well the rest of this won’t be a problem right? God I hope not. Keeping with the whole honesty thing, this is the first time I have pretty much gone ‘Hey, I am a lying cheating bastard’ to anyone. Ever.

As for three, well I can’t quit my job. I can’t not surf, and though I have the feeling you’ll never ask me to stop, I am just saying it. It’s pretty much the only thing I am good at. Not only do the guys depend on me, but well, there’s really nothing else that I could do that would make me this happy. (though being a dad doesn’t count, I sort of haven’t done that one yet, and though I am sure it’ll be awesome, I can’t exactly get paid for that right?) I’m just not happy away from the ocean.

As for the last, it’s not something I am proud of, but it’s also not something I am going to hide. I… okay it’s a bit of a story. See, I wasn’t born an empath, it sort of hit me suddenly, I went through problems for a couple of years, not going to get into exactly how it started, but it was with my add on’s. I couldn’t deal with it, I got hooked on some shit for a while, (no detail, I know, but unless you really want it, I am not going into it.) just to get by day to day, eventually though I almost lost everything, with help from the guys I cleaned up… mostly. See, once I got my head on straight I actually figured out that some of the shit I was given made the add on’s managable enough to allow me to learn control. Eventually I did get off of them, though I still have my moments, but I am going to be a father right? So that’s something I am going to cut off all together. This is probably my biggest secret Emmie. And it’s yours to do with what you want. I know you were shocked about me learning control, and well, I am guessing that he (I? Shit this is confusing!) didn’t go that route previously. Sorry then, this must all be a shock. Drugs are a really big deal, I know. And an ex addict is… well it’s huge.

If this seems like a good idea still, and… rereading this, I can’t say I’d blame you for running away and taking Ryan with you, as any one of those are typically deal breakers, then I am shocked, grateful, and amazed. I’m not going to assume anything though, that you are running or waiting until I hear from you. I’m putting all this down here so that you have time to think about it, it can’t be a great feeling seeing all this on print, but it’s the truth. It’s who I am now, not sure about if it’s who I used to be… or who he was… or.. God, however it goes. I really hope we can try for something, even if it’s only being friends like you said last night.

I have your journals with me, it’s a good idea, I’ll try and do the same during the lockdown, see if I can keep it up, ya know? Never really written more then quick notes before, this is pretty massive here, so I hope that I can get everything down. Don’t know that it’ll be as interesting as yours. Sorry that I have to miss more of Ryan’s development too. He’s a miracle Emmie, and I am amazed with what you’ve had to go through this far for him. You are going to be an awesome mother, hell you already are an awesome mother.

Not that anyone else needs to tell you, but rest up. I can’t wait to see you again, and I probably won’t leave you alone when I next see you. I wish I could say for sure that it’ll be the day the lockdown ends, but I have already been told that if the tour is going on, then I am going to go wherever it is immediately. Sucks, I know. But I have to think of Ry now too right? And I can’t let the guys down, not after all they did to get me on this tour to start with.

I’ll be thinking of you every minute I get, we’ll make some new memories soon, I promise.
Dylan

*Of all the letters, the one to Emmie was the hardest. It all felt so… odd around here, like this was final. He hated that feeling, and hoped to god he was wrong. Could just be him, the new guy worrying about it right? Everyone around here was gloomy, so that was probably it…*

Dylan-
As much as it was probably killing you to tell me all that- you needn’t worry.

The first one, well, I will just have to be at every copetition. So when you are in that mood, I’ll be there.

Which will negate the second. Mostly.

3rd- I would never make that mistake again~ tell you more later.

4th- I know. And I have a confession. There was a time when I went away, from …well, everything. And when I came home, I was hooked on antidepressants. You helped me off them. There are times that I still feel the need but you are there for me. So I never fear it.

Dylan I love you. Trust in that.
Belive in me.
As I do in you.

Emmie